Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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