Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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