Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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