She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
