He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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