No stitches, just platelets and will power
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
