he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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