the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
