I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
