Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
