It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
