I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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