so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
