i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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