I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Do vagina's smell?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
