well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
