I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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