Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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