remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
