the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize