I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
