when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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