ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
