So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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