I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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