Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
