I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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