His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
