I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize