I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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