Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
