The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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