Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
