you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
