I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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