I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
