I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I look better un-naked...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my shit smells like andre
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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