So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
