Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
