So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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