My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
