I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
