She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
