trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
