I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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