He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
