You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
