I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
