I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
