I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
