You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she looked like the before picture.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
