so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
did you just send me my own nude
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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