Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
