When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
