Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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