you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
