I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
