If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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