Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
