I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
