After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
