shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize