dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize