Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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