Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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