everyone is single if you try hard enough
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
