How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
