So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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